Four guys got together on a Tuesday night in a place where they had no business being: my kitchen. So I decided to record the conversation. Joining me in what began as a “Drinks With Gary Lindsey of Ass Jack” was Chris Jackson, Brent Hinds of Mastodon and Gary. My woman was not very happy about this. It got quite loud. We drank cider, Guinness, whiskey and vodka. We listened to Toots and the Maytals and Jimmy Cliff. Unbeknownst to me, when I went to use the toilet, Brent and Gary each decided to take a hit of acid. I didn’t notice until half an hour later when Brent and Gary started wrestling on the floor.

T. Chesh: I’m drinkin’ cider. Who wants what?

B. Hinds: I want to be in cider.

G. Lindsey: Guinness, son.

C. Jackson: Don’t you worry about me. I’ll take care of myself.

T. Chesh: So where are we at right now?

G. Lindsey: You haven’t asked me any questions yet. We’ve been here for 20 minutes and you haven’t asked me a thing!

T. Chesh: Oh, don’t you worry. I got some stuff on you.

G. Lindsey: It’s so hot in here. I’m sitting in my own sweat.

B. Hinds: I’m getting hot flashes.

G. Lindsey: All I know is this room is orange and I’ve lost my shorts.

B. Hinds: I’m so out of my element right now. It’s a real serious vibe change.

T. Chesh: Gary, please introduce yourself.

G. Lindsey: My name is Chris Jackson. Beware of the white fluff.

T. Chesh: Come on be serious for once in your life. We all know you’re a jack ass but tell us about ASS JACK!

G. Lindsey: OK, here we go. My name is Gary Lindsey and I’m sitting here naked with some old friends T. Chesh, C. Jack and B. Hinds of Mastodon. I travel a bit singing with this little group called Ass Jack.

B. Hinds: I just want to sit here and listen to reggae.

T. Chesh: Now we’re getting somewhere. How did you hook up with Hank III?

G. Lindsey: He’s just an old friend. Brent and I used to play shows with him back in the day when we were in Four Hour Fogger. He used to play drums in a band called Buzz Kill. We’re just old touring band buddies.

T. Chesh: Band Buddies! That’s what we’re gonna call this piece. Can you tell me about your live show?

G. Lindsey: It’s intense, very intense.

C. Jack: This room is sherbet.

G. Lindsey: Yeah, I feel like I’m tripping over sherbet.

B. Hinds: I haven’t had shrimp in forever.

G. Lindsey: We do an hour of the country set. It’s old school with pedal steel and a double bass player. Then I come out and bring the noise. It’s an hour of country and an hour of the rock.

T. Chesh: Who wants a vodka tonic?

G. Lindsey: I’ll have one of those.

C. Jack: I’m stickin’ to cider and whiskey.

T. Chesh: Will you be recording with Ass Jack any time soon?

G. Lindsey: Yes, we will be going into the studio in December to record a proper full length album with songs, samples and noise.

T. Chesh: Good stuff. I was nervous.

G. Lindsey: I’m just glad we could all get together like this and let the truth come out in a liquid form.

T. Chesh: It is very creamy in here.

C. Jack: And so much sherbet.

B. Hinds: This acid is, I don’t know.

G. Lindsey: I told you to be careful with the white fluff. It will turn you gay.

T. Chesh: How is the vodka tonic?

G. Lindsey: It’s wonderful. It might take my alcoholism to another level. It’s got a real nice touch to it. I love to touch the touch.

T. Chesh: Me too, I know what you’re saying. And I love to smell the smell.

G. Lindsey: Are you coming out to the show tomorrow night?

T. Chesh: You know it. I’ll be there with bells on, literally.

G. Lindsey: What will you be wearing?

T. Chesh: Tight white 1972 Fred Perry shorts and a powder blue tank top.

G. Lindsey: I’m going to hold you to that. We got you on tape.

T. Chesh: So you did some shows with Flogging Molly. I love those guys.

G. Lindsey: Yeah, they were sick. Guinness and dancing all night long.

B. Hinds: Their bass player Nick is awesome.

G. Lindsey: His name is Nate but that’s cool.

B. Hinds: Well, I love that guy. We got drunk in Sweden.

T. Chesh: Gary, I have a confession to make. Let me down a drink real quick. At your wedding 10 years ago. I gave you a card with $75 dollars in it. After a few rum and coke’s I took $40 dollars out of the envelope to buy a bag of sugar off this kid Bobby Peru. I’m really sorry. I had a blast at the wedding though.

G. Lindsey: That explains it. I thought it was weird to get $35 as a gift and that the card envelope was ripped open.

T. Chesh: Are we cool?

G. Lindsey: Of course we are. I think it’s hysterical.

C. Jack: My stepmother just called me and wanted to know if I know Barney Fife’s middle initial.

T. Chesh: Can’t help you there.

B. Hinds: It’s F. Barney F. Fife, I think?

T. Chesh: Where do we go from here? What time were you supposed to be at El Myr?

G. Lindsey: Thirty minutes ago.

T. Chesh: Good, so we’re on schedule.

G. Lindsey: I just have to say that it’s been great hangin’ with you guys. When was the last time you got together with three other guys and drank booze in a kitchen naked just letting it all hang out?

T. Chesh: I have to say it’s been a minute.

C. Jack: At least a week.

T. Chesh: I’m glad we were able to do this. So happy you’re doing music again. Up front on stage is where you belong.

G. Lindsey: Thank you for that and everything else you’ve done to me.

Tom Cheshire is the publisher of Dry Ink Magazine. Write to him at tom@dryinkmag.com