Editors note: Below are real messages sent to real people by a real liar

When Jesus the Lord Almighty turned water into wine he didn’t start carding people
An attack against the Atlanta Journal-Constitution

THE MESSAGE:
To: AJC editorial columnist Maureen Downey mdowney@ajc.com
From: “T. Godart” jesus_atlanta@yahoo.com
Subject: Your column
Dear Mrs. Downey,
Today you editorialize that the NCAA shouldn’t run ads from companies that make alcohol. Yet the other day your paper took a stance that Sunday alcohol sales should be permitted.
It’s a conflicting message, but I think the resolution is a simple one: you should retract your criticism of the NCAA and encourage college students to drink.
When Jesus the Lord Almighty turned water into wine he didn’t start carding people. No, he did so to help two friends getting married celebrate their love, much in the same way that college students celebrate their love for their university and baskets.
I personally have never had a drop of alcohol in all my years on earth, and I’m certainly not drinking right now. My point is that demonizing the NCAA is the wrong way to go, especially when science shows so many medicinal benefits from consuming alcohol over time.
Have a great day.

THE RESPONSE: None

You took my money fraudulently, and now you’re going to keep it
American Apparel sucks
THE MESSAGE:
To: American Apparel Customer Service www.americanapparel.net/feedback
From: “T. Godart” jesus_atlanta@yahoo.com
I’ve been a real fan of American Apparel’s fair labor and business model, and the recent leaning toward environmentally friendly products was appealing, too. I bought one of those organic cotton jumpsuits the day they were available.
Now, however, I know that this is just another huge corporation that has no problems screwing over their customers, just like any other large-scale manufacturer.
You fucking suck.
Why? You don’t care. You took my money, fraudulently, and you’re going to keep it. Fuck you.
I bought some of your ladies underwear for my wife, five pairs, for Valentines’ Day. She looks so fucking hot in them. Guess what, as plenty of men are prone to do, I got the wrong size.
She opened the box I put the undies in, said “Aww Honey, that’s so sweet. Aw, too bad they’re the wrong size.” No sweat, we’ll just exchange them.
But that’s not going to happen because of your corporate policy, is it? Now I understand that you can’t take any opened panties back, but these were still in their package. Even Victoria Secrets takes back un-used lingerie.
But you fuckers don’t. And you don’t have a sign any where in your stores that says, “All underwear sales are final.”
No, custumers don’t find that out until they get their receipt, after the transaction is completed!
Now I’ve got this hot, sexy underwear that’s useless.
So, fine, you got my money. But you lost a customer that’s been with you from the beginning.

THE RESPONSE:
Thank you.
We appreciate the time you’ve taken to send us your thoughts. Every message will be read by a human and, if you requested follow-up, someone will respond. Please give us a few days to get back to you.
Thank you for supporting American Apparel.

Note: After three weeks, no human-based follow up ever materialized.

Lilburn moves to ban karaoke and trivia from restaurants
Imagine what David Letterman is going to say about you and your backwards ways
THE MESSAGE:
Date: Mar 13, 2007 1:21 PM
To: jbolton-lilburn@mindspring.com, dianapreston@bellsouth.net,
eprice@cityoflilburn.com, ssbatterton@bellsouth.net,
K_swaim@bellsouth.net
From: “T. Godart” jesus_atlanta@yahoo.com
Subject: Darned kids with their rock music and dancing.
Dear Mayor and Council Members of Lilburn,
I have never entered the Sports Fan Bar Grill which is the apparent object of controversy over the proposal you are waging to ban singing and trivia in bars that serve alcoholic drinks in Lilburn. The reason I don’t go there is because I’m a good Christian man and it’s out of my way and I play trivia and drink beer elsewhere, but I could go to the Sports Fan Bar Grill, given the freedoms of America for which I pay taxes and my ancestors have fought for.
There’s one thing that I think you should consider before you vote on this, and that is what the entire nation will think of our state. We’ve already been mocked because of those nutbags in Cobb County who put warnings in our textbooks about evolution, which is obviously a theory that was put forth by a form of Christian (and an English one at that) who believed that God works in mystery ways.
Imagine what David Letterman is going to say about you and your backwards ways.
Young people and adult people these days are doing that thing called Karryoake and it’s about as harmful as Elvis was in the 50s.
In summation, even the Good Lord Christ Our Lord Almighty turned water into wine for a celebration of the marriage of friends.
What you are proposing is very uneducated and far too typical of well-intentioned folks who try to do the wrong thing.

RESPONSE:
From: k_swaim@bellsouth.net
To: “T. Godart” jesus_atlanta@yahoo.com
Date: Tue, 13 Mar 2007 20:34:38 -0500
Subject: Re: Darned kids with their rock music and dancing.
Thank you for your e-mail. I voted the way you would. Ken Swaim

Even the Bible owned slaves
To the sponsor of the bill that would designate April as Confederacy Appreciation month, or something like that
THE MESSAGE:
To: Sen. Jeff Mullis jeff.mullis@georgia.senate.gov
From: “T. Godart” jesus_atlanta@yahoo.com
Sen. Jeff Mullis,
It is a bold thing you do to say, we should pay tribute to our attempt to unify the South against the United States of America by permanently declaring by law April to be the named month for Confederacy Uprising.
For instance, did you know that the man who penned the words, “All men are created equal” was a slave owner? That man, the prime author of the Declaration of Independence, was Thomas Jefferson, who had intercourse with slaves that were of another race.
Even the Bible owned slaves. (I’m sure I don’t have to quote it for you, a good Christmas man like yourself.)
And now, some minorities and lefts are holding hands and singing gospel anthems about your proposal!
It makes me wonder what Christ would do if he were to come back from eternal life. I really think Jesus would say, “Heck, ol’ Sen. Mullis is poking a stick into a wasp nest. And if he gets stung too much it might paralyze his nervous system. But why doesn’t he just put that stick down and leave them wasps alone? Wasp stings really, really HURT!”

THE RESPONSE: None

Fox people aren’t smart
You’re shoving “American Idol” down my throat, and I just want my “House” back
THE MESSAGE:
To: Ask Fox.
From: “T. Godart” jesus_atlanta@yahoo.com
I know, I know – I’m weird. I’m one of those rare people who absolutely hates “American Idol.” Very sorry about that. But let’s compromise. You’re shoving “American Idol” down my throat, and I just want my “House” back.
Please air “House,” even if they’re re-runs, some other night when “American Idol” isn’t on. “House” is a truly great show. The actors just won a slew of awards, and if the programming dudes there continue to neglect it, interest in the show will decline.
That would be very dumb from a business perspective if you (not you, the person reading this, but you, the programming dudes) allowed this to happen.
So, please air “House.” Even better. Air new “House” episodes.
That would be smart.
Thanks.

THE RESPONSE:
To: T. Godart
From: Askfox@fox.com
HOUSE returns for an 8-week run beg. TUE 3/27

I think you should apologize for being a sanctimonious hypocrite
To the Speaker of the House regarding his viciousness during the slavery apology debate
THE MESSAGE:
From: “T. Godart” jesus_atlanta@yahoo.com
To: glenn.richardson@house.ga.gov
Date: Fri, 9 Mar 2007 10:59:12 -0800 (PST)
Subject: Bravery on apology stance
Dear Speaker Richardson,
Apologizing for something that was done more than 100 years ago - like enabling the enslavement of an entire race of humans - is certainly questionable.
However, your statement, “Maybe I just blanketly apologize to everyone for everything I’ve ever done” was condescending and more appropriate of a playground bully than a statesman.
I guess that’s because you aren’t a statesman. Instead, you’re a politician, and a callous one at that.
But since you suggested it, I think you should apologize for being a sanctimonious hypocrite, hiding behind a faux-conservative facade. Your exploits will catch up with you one day.
I never thought I’d say this, but politicians like you make me miss Democrats, and I’ve been voting Republican for 33 years.

Signed,
A real Christian who can see the ambition and hatred in your heart.

THE RESPONSE: None

Payday lending: Rep. Earl Ehrhart is an evil man
I think you’re a bad person to the core and eventually your greed and ambition will ruin you
THE MESSAGE:
—– Original Message —–
From: “T. Godart” jesus_atlanta@yahoo.com
To: earl@earlehrhart.com
Sent: Fri Feb 23 10:13:55 2007
Subject: Congrats on the payday lending victory
Politicians who put corporate profit above citizens are the number one problem with this country. I think you’re a bad person to the core and eventually your greed and ambition will ruin you.

THE RESPONSE
—– Original Message —–
From: Earl Ehrhart
To: T.Godart
Sent: Fri Feb 23 10:13:55 2007
Subject: Congrats on the payday lending victory
Why thank you. I see you are a kind and peaceful person. I am always fascinated bt the hypocrisy of the left!!

Georgians ARE NOT THE SON OF GOD!
An appeal to several senators to stop/allow Sunday liquor sales
THE MESSAGE:
From: “T. Godart” jesus_atlanta@yahoo.com
To: don.balfour@senate.ga.gov, bill.hamrick@senate.ga.gov, mail@mitchseabaugh.com, eric.johnson@senate.ga.gov, tommie@tommiewilliams.com, david.shafer@senate.ga.gov, renee.unterman@senate.ga.gov
Date: Wed, 14 Mar 2007 07:06:13 -0700 (PDT)
Subject: Take a stand on alcohol
Dear Senators,
I’m so happy the GOP is finally in control of this state. The Demotards probably would have already legalized beer on Sundays by now! And now the liberals are pressuring you to allow the citizens of Georgia to decide on this issue of buying spirits on the Day of Our Blessed Lord Jesus and His Sabbath Day of PreOrdained Rest and Worship.
What is the earth coming too when citizens should be allowed to vote on such a thing?
It’s not as if the citizens voted when The Lord Jesus turned Water Into Wine for a wedding party.
And if the Lord Jesus wants to make water into wine on a Sunday wedding day, then he can. But that doesn’t mean Georgians are the Son of God!!
No matter what they think, us Georgians ARE NOT THE SON OF GOD!
So please, I pray thee, please keep Georgians from voting on issues that directly affect them, and don’t give them the liberty and freedom to decide on things such as beer.
Thank you.

THE RESPONSE: None

Don’t ask, don’t tell
Why does Gen. Pace cherry pick passages from the Bible, and not embrace every single word of God?
THE MESSAGE:
To: http://www.jcs.mil/jcs_comment.html
From: “T. Godart” jesus_atlanta@yahoo.com
SUBJECT: Gen. Peter Pace’s support of don’t ask don’t tell policy.
The Bible says that homosexuality and adultery both are sins. Gen. Pace calls them both immoral and I believe Pace referenced the Bible when he was talking about the immorality of homosexuality and adultery. Fine. But how the heck did Pace, a wartime general of the Marine Corps, miss the part in the Bible, you know, the Ten Commandments (which don’t mention homosexuality by the way) that says you shouldn’t kill people?
So, here’s my question. Why does Gen. Pace cherry pick passages from the Bible, and not embrace every single word of God?

THE RESPONSE:
From a statement released the following day by Gen. Peter Pace, chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff, on remarks he made in an interview on gays in the military:
“Yesterday, during a wide-ranging interview with the Chicago Tribune editorial board, I was asked if I think the current policy as codified in U.S. Code, generally referred to as ‘don’t ask, don’t tell,’ should still hold.
“People have a wide range of opinions on this sensitive subject. The important thing to remember is that we have a policy in effect, and the Department of Defense has a statutory responsibility to implement that policy.
“I made two points in support of the policy during the interview. One, ‘don’t ask, don’t tell’ allows individuals to serve this nation; and two, it does not make a judgment about the morality of individual acts.
“In expressing my support for the current policy, I also offered some personal opinions about moral conduct.
“I should have focused more on my support of the policy and less on my personal moral views.”